Padre's Corner - When pain turns into gain
October 11, 2023 - Capt Kevin Sam, Chaplain, Canadian Armed Forces, 3 CDSB Edmonton
There will be a time in people’s lives when they ask the question: “What is the meaning of my life?”
Why discover your life’s purpose? What is it? Someone defines this as establishing a set of values, principles and beliefs that give life meaning to a person, and then using them to guide the decisions and actions one takes.
Finding out your meaning of life can be hard or can be easy. Some just know it by intuition. Some find out through trial and error. Many find out through trials and tribulations. This is the hard road to getting at one’s meaning in life. It’s like missing the target over and over again. It’s a process of discovering oneself.
What I’ve learned in my discovery process is that it was also through all my hardships, trials and tribulations that I found my purpose. This process of discovery can be one of life’s big ‘Aha!’ moments. Out of pain can come something beautiful. Out of rocks can come roses.
We tend to ignore our hardships in life. As human beings, we try very hard to forget our most trying times. They hurt and to be reminded of our own pain is not an easy thing to take. When our memories are painful, it is almost impossible to forget them; it’s natural to try to suppress and hide them in the back of our memories. If one were to ask me to remember all of my own pain, I can tell you it wouldn’t be an easy task. In fact, I wouldn’t want to remember them. I’ve probably forgotten about most of them.
There may come a time when we can embrace the most difficult times and experiences. When this time comes, it definitely will not be something to cherish, but rather it’s something we prefer to hold at a distance while acknowledging they still exist. When one comes to ask the enduring question(s)—‘What have I learned from this experience?’ and ‘What do I do about it from here on in?’—the answers that come out of this process of discovery can be very fruitful because herein we can discover a purpose for our lives.
Inner healing within oneself is one of the prerequisites to discovering our purpose in life. We can’t become a healer of others until we are healed or at least in the process of healing. As Brittany Burgunder stated, “Hurt often holds the hidden key to unlocking your greatest healing.”
Christine Evangelou states from her Rocks Into Roses: Life Lessons and Inspiration for Personal Growth:
This is the thing with any painful circumstance
We keep trying to be the person we were before it,
Denying that painful experience,
But all this does is stunt the person we are growing into.
Hurtful events always transform us in some way.
A far stronger, compassionate being is born from every blade
That cut to our heart… this is what we gain when we accept our pain.
We regenerate with a brighter inner flame
As we seek our light through the shadows.
I am sure most reading this can either begrudgingly or hesitatingly admit, “Yes, I have had painful experiences in my life.” Whatever it (or they) may be (e.g., loss of relationships, divorce, separation or death, loss of employment, property, health, or anything near and dear to you, etc.) one can turn their negatives into something positive in one’s life. Rocks can turn into roses.
When the time is right, you may want to share them with someone you feel safe sharing them with. It is also good to have some good guidance throughout one’s journey in life. Someone with wisdom and insight can help direct one into a positive direction rather than into a negative one.
If something has been bothering you inside, and you desire to start the healing process or to just bounce something off someone, feel free to talk to a counsellor or a mental health professional. Your unit chaplain is also available to speak with you and/or to just sit down and listen.
