A Discussion Guide for Parents and Caregivers

Table of contents

• Introduction
• Having open conversations
• Understanding online safety
• Sexual images and videos
• Grooming
• Capping
• Sextortion
• Cyberbullying
• Dealing with a disclosure
• Creating a family plan
• Glossary
• Support resources

Introduction

This discussion guide is intended for parents and caregivers of youth aged 12-14

Feel free to adjust your conversations to your child's maturity level, specific concerns and comfort level with these topics. Try to limit conversations to one topic at a time — too much too soon can feel overwhelming for both kids and caregivers.

Together, we can protect kids online

Online child sexual exploitation (OCSE) and cyberbullying are serious problems that affect young people every day. As part of our mission to create a safe and resilient Canada, Public Safety Canada is dedicated to protecting children and teens from these crimes. But to reach this goal, we need the support of parents and caregivers like you.

Online child sexual exploitation (OCSE)

When a predator tricks children and teens into seeing or participating in sexual encounters online.

Cyberbullying

When someone is mean or tries to threaten, hurt or embarrass someone else online.

Conversations help children stay safe

Having regular, open and honest conversations about online dangers with your kids is one of the most impactful ways parents and caregivers can help to protect them from OCSE and cyberbullying. Talking about hard topics with your kids can be tough. However, these conversations give them the tools they need to avoid and navigate harmful situations online, and offers them someone to turn to if they need help.

In this guide, we will provide tips and prompts to help you have these conversations with your kids and empower them to stay safer online.

Find information on talking to other age groups at:

• Canada.ca/child-exploitation
• Canada.ca/cyberbullying

Having open conversations

Your words have power

Having open, honest conversations with your kids about online dangers does more than share information. It helps protect them by giving them somewhere to turn if they ever find themselves in an uncomfortable or unsafe situation.

When talking about tough topics like cyberbullying and OCSE with your children, make sure they know that:

• You are there to listen if they need to talk, without judgement
• They can always ask for help without getting in trouble
• It's never too late to ask for help

Regular conversation is key

The online dangers talk isn't just one conversation. It's the start of many, which will change and grow as your child does. Make these talks a part of your routine, checking in regularly to keep the discussion going.

If any of these conversations don't go as planned, don't worry. There's no pressure to "get it right" the first time.

3 rules for creating safe conversations

1. Validate their feelings. Acknowledge and understand their emotions. Listen without interrupting. Let them know it's okay to feel however they're feeling
2. Use real, accurate language. Don't talk down to your kids. Use straightforward words. Avoid euphemisms or sugarcoating serious topics
3. See through their eyes. Understand where they spend time online. Use examples that relate to their life and interests

Understanding online safety

What you need to know

The internet can be a great place to connect with friends, learn new things, and have fun. However, it can also be a place where people, including adults, might try to take advantage of others, like children and teens. Dangers can be present in places that children and teens access online – including websites, games, social media, and direct messages. This means they might receive upsetting questions, requests to do things they're not comfortable doing, or be asked to meet someone in person.

Reports to the Canadian Centre for Child Protection have shown an escalation in aggressive tactics being used to force and harm youth online. Online sexual violence is not something youth can reasonably manage on their own. It is important that they are able to problem solve and they know where to access help when trying to navigate online situations safely.

Start with a question

Open with a simple, knowledge-based question to ease into the topic.

• "What do you know about being safe online?"
• "What have you learned at school about online dangers?"
• "How do you talk with other people in a safe way online?"

Follow up on their knowledge

Get more specific about online safety by asking them to expand on their answers.

• "What kinds of dangers exist online?"
• "Where might you find online dangers?"
• "What steps can you take to avoid online dangers?"

Remind them of what's important

Talk about why it's important to take online safety seriously and talk about their rights. Explain they have a right to privacy and to make their own choices about their body and sex. Share with them that you want to know if someone violates these rights so you can help them. Remind them of general online safety tips like keeping their information (like their address, school or phone number) private.

Talk about taking action

Ask your child an action-based question to get a better sense of their understanding.

• "If you came across something online that made you uncomfortable, what would you do?"
• "How would you respond if a stranger messaged you after an online game?"
• "Who could you talk to if you were upset by something online?"

Close the conversation

End the conversation in a way that encourages further discussion.

• "Do you have any questions for me?"
• "I promise you can always come to me if you're upset or uncomfortable."

Sexual images and videos

What you need to know

Sexual images and videos are those which depict sexual content. They can be found almost anywhere online, including in ads, websites, apps, videos, and games.

While it's normal for teens to want to explore their sexuality, some may share sexual content of themselves with their peers, which is called sexting. These pictures and videos can have harmful outcomes, like being reshared without the sender's consent. It is important to remind youth that sharing sexual content with others requires a lot of trust, but it can also be very difficult to know who you can trust online.

When an image or video is reshared, it can feel like they have done something wrong. It is important that they can ask for help without getting in trouble.

Set up the conversation

It might feel a bit awkward, but get your child ready to talk about potentially uncomfortable feelings and encourage them to be open with you.

• "I'd like to have an open and honest conversation about the things you might come across online. Don't worry, you're not in trouble and there is nothing to be embarrassed about."
• "It's important to me that you know what to do if you come across certain things online."

Start with a question

Ask what they know about the topic. Start with the facts.

• "Do you know what I mean when I say, 'sexual image or video'?"
• "Where might you find sexual images and videos online?"

Follow up on what they know

Use questions to understand their feelings and emphasize the importance of reporting it to a safe adult.

• "What do you think the risks are of sharing sexual images or videos of yourself or others with friends?"
• "How do you think someone else would feel if their sexual images or videos were shared?"

Talk about taking action

Talk about why it's important to take online safety seriously. Remind them of general online safety tips like keeping their information private.

• "If you were scrolling through social media and came across a sexual image or video, what would you do?"
• "What would do you if you were sent a sexual image or video by a friend?"
• "How would you respond to a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend who was asking you to send them sexual images or videos of yourself?"

Remind them of what's important

Like others their age, your child may have shared a sexual image or video of themselves with someone and they have come to regret it. Whether they confide this to you or not, let them know that they're not alone, that there is hope and that you can help get images and videos taken down if they've been posted online.

"It's OK to be curious about sex and sexuality. But it can be unsafe to share sexual images and videos with others, and it's definitely NOT OK for someone else to share sexual images or videos of you.

Close the conversation

Children and teens may be embarrassed about having seen or created sexual content, so it's important to remind them that they won't get in trouble for asking for help.

• "Do you have any questions about anything you've seen online?"
• "You can always let me know if something happens online."
• "You won't get in trouble for letting me know you've been sent a sexual image."

Grooming

What you need to know

Grooming is when someone builds trust with a child or teen online to gain access to and control them. Grooming can come from a stranger or someone the child knows, and the person often pretends to be younger than they are, sometimes even a minor themselves.

Online grooming often follows these steps:

1. Someone initiates friendship with a child online
2. They build trust with conversation, compliments and gifts
3. They may work to isolate the child from other adults in their life. For instance, instructing the child to be secretive, engaging in activity away from parental surveillance, or on devices or apps where parents will not find it
4. They start talking to the child about sex as a way of normalizing it
5. The child may be asked to send sexual content or meet in person
6. The child may be pressured or threatened to do what they ask

Set up the conversation

Start by creating a safe space and letting them know that it's okay to ask questions or share concerns without fear of judgement.

• "I want to talk about something that might sound scary."
• "There are people who might try to take advantage of you online, and it's important to know how to protect yourself."
• "If you have any questions, just ask. You won't get in trouble, and I won't judge you."

Start with a question

See what they've already learned about grooming. Don't ask about feelings or experiences just yet.

• "What do you think online grooming is?"
• "Do you know what's OK to talk about with people you meet online?"

Follow up on what they know

Ask more in-depth questions to further their understanding.

• "Where can grooming happen online?"
• "How do you think grooming happens?"

Talk about taking action

Ask your kids how they'd react to different conversations with someone online. Talk about how even though someone they may chat with does something nice, like sending gifts, they may have bad intentions and not be who they say they are.

• "What would you do if someone online asked you to send them a sexual image or video?"
• "What would you do if an online friend sent you a gift?"
• "If someone you were chatting with online sent you a sexual image or video, what would you do?"

Remind them of what's important

Remind them that not everyone online is who they say they are, and that the people they meet online may not have their best intentions at heart.

"It's OK to make friends on the internet. It's NOT OK for them, or anyone, to make you uncomfortable by talking about sex or sending sexual images and videos."

Close the conversation

Remind your child that they can always come to you if they have an uncomfortable or scary experience online, without fear of getting into trouble.

• "You can always come to me if someone sends you something that upsets you."
• "If someone online is pressuring, threatening, or making you feel uncomfortable, I'm here to help."

Capping

What you need to know

Capping is when someone takes sexual recordings or screenshots of a child or teen over a video call. It often happens without the child knowing, and can lead to blackmail or "sextortion" in exchange for more sexual content or money.

Typically, capping follows these steps:

1. Someone asks a child online to video chat
2. They trick the child into conversation using a "bait video" of someone else
3. Despite being "on video," all conversations are had over chat
4. The child is asked to undress, touch themselves or perform other sexual acts
5. The offender secretly records or takes screenshots of the child
6. These images and videos may be shared, posted online or used to sextort the child.

Set up the conversation

Let them know you'd like to have a serious conversation that might make them feel uncomfortable or upset. Remind them that the discussion is a safe space where they can talk openly.

• "Sometimes, the people we talk to online aren't who they say they are."
• "I want you to know what to do if someone asks you to do something you're not comfortable with."
• "I want to talk about something for your safety. You won't be in trouble for being honest."

Start with a question

Check in on what they already know about capping. Remember that "capping" is also a slang term kids use to mean "lying" — you can use this to emphasize how cappers lie to trick kids.

• "Do you know what 'capping' is?"
• "What have you learned at school about capping?"

Follow up on their knowledge

Use questions to understand their feelings and emphasize the importance of only sharing sexual content with the safe adult they're reporting it to.

• "Where can capping happen?"
• "How does capping happen?"
• "What can happen after someone is capped?"

Talk about taking action

Ask your child how they would respond to making a new friend online. Talk about what they could do to turn down someone who is asking them for things that make them uncomfortable, and who they could tell after.

• "If you received a friend request while playing a game online, what would you do?"
• "If someone you've been talking to online asked you to go on webcam, what would you do?"
• "Who would you talk to if someone online asked you to do something that makes you uncomfortable?"

Remind them of what's important

Teach your child what is and isn't okay to do with friends they make online. Remind them that, If they have ever been capped, it's not their fault.

"It's OK to interact with others online. It's NOT OK for them to take advantage of your trust by recording or taking screenshots of you without your consent."

Close the conversation

Repeat the fact that your child or teen can always safely come to you if someone makes them uncomfortable online or if they think they've been capped.

• "You can always tell me about conversations you have online."
• "I'm always here for advice if you're not sure how to handle a situation online."
• "Even if you think you made a mistake, you won't be in trouble and we can work together to fix it."

Sextortion

What you need to know

Sextortion is a type of blackmail where someone threatens to send a sexual image or video of your child to friends, family or other people if they don't provide more sexual content, pay them or do what they ask. Sextortion can happen to anyone who shares a sexual image or video of themselves with others, whether it was originally sent with awareness and consent or not.

Set up the conversation

Sextortion is most likely to happen to someone who has sent a sexual image or video of themselves to others or been a victim of capping or grooming. It is suggested to cover the other online dangers topics first before sextortion as a topic to build on what they know.

• "Can we talk about what can happen after sexting, grooming or capping?"
• "It can be hard to know who to trust online. I want to talk about the dangers of sharing sexual images and videos with someone online."

Start with a question

See what they already know. Consider comparing sextortion to concepts they might be more familiar with from TV and movies, like blackmail.

• "Have you heard about sextortion? What do you think it means?"
• "Do you remember the movie we watched where the man was blackmailed?"
• "Do you remember what can happen if you share sexual images and videos with others?"

Follow up on what they know

Explore the topic in depth by asking more specific questions about the signs of sextortion.

• "Who do you think sextortion can happen to?"
• "Where do you think sextortion happens online?"
• "What is the biggest thing you can do to try and protect yourself from sextortion?"

Talk about taking action

The most important thing your child needs to know is to always respond to threats of sextortion by immediately stopping any conversation with the person, taking screenshots of the conversation, blocking the sender and telling a safe adult. Ask them how they would help someone else in that situation to put things in perspective.

• "Who would you feel comfortable talking to if someone threatened you online?"
• "How could you safely react to someone trying to sextort you?"
• "If a friend told you someone was threatening them for sexual images and videos online, what would you tell them?"

Remind them of what's important

Sextortion can be a scary and isolating experience for anyone — especially a child. Emphasize that no matter what happens, you're always there for them and resources are available to help.

"It's OK to be curious about sex and your sexuality. It's NOT OK to be pressured into sending sexual videos or pictures."

Close the conversation

End the talk by once again reminding your child that they are not alone and will not be in trouble if they come to you for help dealing with sextortion.

• "You know I would never judge you if someone were trying to harm you, right?"
• "Your safety is the most important thing to me. I am here if you need me. "

Cyberbullying

What you need to know

Cyberbullying is when someone uses digital platforms to threaten, hurt or embarrass another person. This can include making fun of someone, sharing embarrassing or sexual images, or spreading hurtful gossip, rumours, or lies. Cyberbullying can affect a child's self-esteem and mental health, making them want to avoid school, activities or social interactions.

Set up the conversation

Before starting, let them know that it's okay to share their experiences and feelings without fear of judgement or punishment.

• "I want to discuss something that might be tough to talk about."
• "Knowing how to deal with people who are mean online is important for staying safe and happy."
• "You can ask me anything or tell me about any worries you have. I'm not going to judge."

Start with a question

Begin with a straightforward, knowledge-based question to ease into the topic.

• "What do you know about cyberbullying?"
• "What have you heard at school about how to handle cyberbullying?"

Follow up on their knowledge

Ask more detailed questions and discuss potential scenarios related to cyberbullying. Ask about the roles of both someone being cyberbullied and someone seeing it happen.

• "How do you think someone being cyberbullied feels?"
• "What do you think you should do if someone starts being mean to you online?"

Talk about taking action

Discuss practical steps they can take if they encounter cyberbullying.

• "If you see someone being bullied online, what do you think is the best way to help them?"
• "What would you do if someone from school sent you a mean or threatening message?"
• "Who can you talk to if you're feeling upset about something that happened online?"

Remind them of what's important

Emphasize the importance of never joining in on cyberbullying, standing up against cyberbullying when it's safe to do so and seeking help from an adult when needed.

"It's OK to send messages, make comments and share posts online. It's NOT OK to do those things to hurt other people — whether you know them or not."

Close the conversation

End the conversation with reassurance and openness for future discussions.

• "Do you have any questions about dealing with cyberbullying?"
• "Remember, you can always come to me if something or someone online makes you or a friend uncomfortable."
• "I'm here to help you, and you won't get in trouble for speaking up about bullying. It's the right thing to do."

Dealing with a disclosure

Managing your emotions

Finding out that your child has been a victim of online child sexual exploitation or cyberbullying can be an extremely difficult moment for any parent or caregiver. You might feel sad about what your child is going through, or angry at the offender for their actions, or even upset with your child for talking to a stranger or sexting. All of these feelings are perfectly natural. However, it's important to deal with them away from your child.

You may not always agree with their choices, but you'll always care about their safety. And to help keep them safe, they need to feel comfortable speaking to you if they experience something harmful online.

Be there for your child

When your child or teen comes to you for help or support, meet them without judgement. You may feel angry with them about what's happened, but don't scold or punish them for talking to you. Reassure them that help is available for whatever they're facing, and that you'll keep them safe from further harm.

Next steps

Depending on what has happened to your child, different actions may need to be taken, including:

• Contacting local law enforcement if a crime has occurred
• Reporting any online sexual exploitation at Cybertip.ca
• Taking screenshots of any relevant conversations or posts

If your child is in crisis or needs someone else to talk to, they can contact Kids Help Phone by calling 1-800-668-6868 or texting 686868.

If they are in immediate danger, call 911.

Creating a family plan

What is a family plan?

Like an emergency exit plan in case of fire, an online safety plan is a tool your family creates together so you all know what to do to stay safe. It clearly lists the rules your kids should follow to stay safe online, and reminds them where they can go for help if something makes them feel unsafe.

Use the template below as a guide to create your own plan.

Glossary

Capping

Taking sexual recordings or screenshots of a child or teen over video call

Cyberbullying

Being mean to or trying to threaten, hurt or embarrass someone else online

Grooming

Building trust with a child or teen to gain access to and control them, with the objective of sexually exploiting them

Online child sexual exploitation (OCSE)

Children and teens being tricked into seeing or participating in sexual encounters online

Sexting

Creating, sending or sharing sexual messages, images or videos with others

Sextortion

A type of blackmail where someone threatens to send another person's sexual image or video to their friends, family or others if they don't provide more sexual content, pay them or do what they ask

Sexual images and videos

Images or videos depicting sexual nudity or sex acts

Support resources

In addition to reaching out to a safe adult in their life, they can also:

Report an OCSE incident
Cybertip.ca

Find someone to talk to
KidsHelpPhone.ca
Call: 1-800-688-6868
Text: 686868

Learn more
Canada.ca/OnlineDangers

Learn more about Online Dangers

• Online Dangers Infographic
• Online Child Sexual Exploitation