Question 5: What can parents or caregivers do if they suspect a problem?
Transcript
Alyson: I know there are some participants who have been following along here and they may have already experienced problems in this space, or their spidey-sense is that something is off right now, there is something imminent in the near future. My last question for us today is what should they do if this is the case? If this is going on right now, what are the next steps, Sarah?
Sarah: I'm going to start sounding like a broken record with my answers, but online situations are scary, young people approaching us with this problem will likely be nervous and you might likely be nervous. Being that unwavering support to them is more important now more than ever. Approach your child calmly and respectfully. We know that learning about sexting or cyberbullying or online child sexual exploitation might be upsetting to you, and you want to communicate that severity of the situation to them. Approaching them with anger or frustration will often lead to them shutting down. Approach them with calmness. If you need to take a second, breathe; make sure that you are setting yourself up for a successful conversation with them that will have the best possible outcome.
I'm sure Kristin will be able to touch on this a little bit more, but it's really important to educate yourself. Laws and practices are constantly evolving especially with technology and online spaces. Consult resources to make sure you understand the legality and the risk involved with some of these behaviors online. Finally, ensure that you as a parent or caring adult is feeling supported. These are some big issues and they can cause some big worry for kids but also for adults. Make sure that you are getting some support and that you are feeling okay. That you're supporting yourself so that you can be there for that young person.
At Kids Help Phone, we have councillors and crisis responders who support parents as well as young adults to help them navigate these situations.
Alyson: Thanks Sarah and yes just because it says it's Kids Help Phone, you extend beyond that age limit, just so people are aware of that. Yes you alluded that Kristin might have more to say on the matter can I get your input Kristin?
Kristin: Certainly thanks and great advice Sarah. In terms of where you can access some help, if there's any chance that you feel your child is in imminent risk or danger, please do not hesitate to call 9-1-1. You can also report to your local police if you feel that police involvement is needed. Report to Cybertip.ca and of course Kids Help Phone is also available to you.
One thing that I just wanted to touch upon is that there may be a natural move to want to delete some of those images or material received or produced. We want to encourage people to encourage young people to leave the content and imagery on their phone, just leave it alone until you seek assistance from police. In cases, and Noni touched on this, where offenders are misrepresenting themselves online, it could very well be that young people do not know who they are engaging with online and retaining that evidence could be a huge assistance in an investigation in helping the victim and also in identifying the offender.
Also, I just want to re-emphasize the importance of just having those regular conversations with your kids about this topic. The more normalized it becomes, if you talk about it daily and just naturally, then it will be easier for them to come forward and seek your assistance and speak to you if they find themselves in a situation where they need help.
Alyson: There's no apologies for re-iterating this, we've covered a lot of information and sometimes you got to hear things two or three times before it really sinks in. Kids need that and adults need that too. Noni, do you want to add your thoughts? What are you seeing from the Canadian Centre for Child Protection.
Noni: Sure. So just adding to the great information that Kristin and Sarah have shared, I think that sometimes it's important that if you're worried because you have a sense that your child is coming across this kind of stuff or coming into contact with someone, or you've come across the information like what Kristin suggested, when you're thinking of how am I going to bring this up with my child, remember that in the situation where something has gone wrong or their having contact with a concerning person online, that their trust has been betrayed.
They may think that they are in a relationship, or they may believe that what's happening is altruistic or they may have already recognized that they are in a problem. They may deny when you start talking to them. They may not be forthcoming and that is normal. It's normal for them to be embarrassed, ashamed, distressed, angry. When you first bring it up, they might explode and be furious. Those things are normal reactions that we see, because when you think about it if somethings gone on for anybody where they have experienced a sense of betrayal and humiliation.
Often what we're seeing in these cases is that there are more aggressive tactics being used. There is an escalation in control tactics being used purposefully to humiliate children and the contact is very aggressive. There can be some really strong reactions from the kids when it comes out, know that this is something that we are seeing. But on the other side of it is relief, is relief from the kids that they don't have to carry the secret anymore, that it's out, that it's on the table, and that the other side is more calm and now the healing can happen, and support can take place.
Make time for those conversations but please know that you can reach out to Cybertip, you can reach out to police and law enforcement, and to Kids Help phone for support and how to have those conversations, to get ready for those conversations, to discuss your concerns and what you've come across. There is help for you, and we can help you walk through the plan of bringing it forward, securing the content, what's the next step and the aftermath of the explosion that ensues once it comes out. Walking through safety plans with you of what's next for the kids and what to put in place for protective supervision. You don't have to walk it alone, please make sure that you reach out for help because we are here.