20 years of Restorative Opportunities

"Joe and I talked for an hour, and he wanted to explain the whole story to me, which was good, that he wanted to be open enough to tell me what happened. And he didn't blame David for anything." - Karen Lattimer

Audio of Karen

I think what it was [was] struggling with my son’s death and my husband, I think had said, "Have you looked into this?"

I think that’s how I started. I had no idea. I didn’t know what it was. I missed out on counselling when David, our son, first died. I missed out on counselling. I think you had to let them know within 30 days or something. Then my husband, I did get counselling, but it was not through, the courts. But I did get Counselling.

I think Phil, my husband suggested the restorative opportunities and I connected with some women, and they came out to the house, and we had lemonade and I probably baked something, because I do that. And we sat out on the front yard. We live on the water. So we sat out by the water, and had a lovely visit, and I got totally comfortable with them.

So that’s where it started, I believe. And then I wanted to venture along with the story after that.

Read more about Karen’s story here.

"I wanted to sit down with the offender and take my body on that journey. I wanted to get on a plane. I wanted to go to where he was. I wanted to walk into a room with him there and retrain my body how to react around him and I want to come to common ground. When you don't have knowledge, your knowledge breeds power, right? So, I needed the knowledge to have the power to do what I needed to do, so I started the process." - Angie

Audio of Angie

I started writing this victim impact statement and I started writing from, by this time, it would have been 10 years after it actually happened. And I started writing it and I just kept thinking, well, I don't know who he is now. This is who he was ten years ago.

This is what he took from me. This is this monster that I've known for 10 years. Umm, how am I going to write this victim impact statement? So I made some calls to my victims officer and I said I need some questions answered by the offender.

Listen to Angie’s story in her own words, here.

Biography:

Alan Edwards has been working in the field of restorative justice for 26 years, and is based in Edmonton, Alberta. Since 2004, he has worked exclusively on cases of serious and violent crime, in the Restorative Opportunities Program of Correctional Service Canada. He has co-authored five papers on restorative justice and violence.

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"The differences that we see this approach has in peoples’ lives, it's really so humbling and it's such an honor to be part of people being able to finally take a step forward in their lives and in terms of their recovery."

Prairies

Audio:

"We can't afford to not be prepared. We can't afford to have not prepared people sufficiently for the intensity of their encounter so that would be one phrase, high stakes.

So, you know I can't guarantee that you're gonna get everything you want.

So let's look at how it might be. If you know, if you're looking for this and it doesn't really show up that way, so for people to not just make choices, but to make informed choices and choices that are the results of careful consideration and looking at it from a whole bunch of different angles, if that's helpful for them. I'm thrilled to do that kind of stuff. That's great!

Just in my little tiny bit of experience,  people leave a lot lighter, and you hear that right or you read those when people talk about their experience of these kinds of things that you know they say things like "I felt like the weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I felt like I could that there was sunlight finally coming into my world again" you know those kinds of things and wow! I get to be part of that, you know, and absolutely stunning to me that I would be part of that."

Biography:

Dave Gustafson is Founding Director of Fraser Region Community Justice Initiatives Association (FRCJIA) in Langley, B.C., an Adjunct Professor in the School of Criminology at SFU, and a trauma recovery clinician (RCC). He has worked in the areas of crime, prisons, victimology, criminology and trauma recovery for over 35 years. He holds a PhD in Criminological Sciences from the Faculty of Law at KULeuven, Belgium.

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"This is work that has to proceed from the heart. It touches hearts. It heals and mends wounded hearts."

Pacific

Audio:

"Part of it is that the history's already being truncated, cause it's not 20 years old. It's 33 years old and I worked out of for 13 years before since he rolled it out coast to coast to coast.

We actually started this nonsense out here in the Pacific region in 1990.

But I think what I would say is that this is work that has to proceed from the heart. It touches hearts. It heals and mends wounded hearts. And brings them together in recognition of the humanness of one another's hearts in the most profound ways.

What I've learned is that it is imperative that I build a safe bridge. So, I've got people on either sides of this mighty gulf, and it's my responsibility to drive the pilings of this bridge deep into the bedrock of restorative justice values and principles. And never depart from them. And then lay the bridge decks one piece at a time until the parties are able to cross that bridge."

Biography:

For 14 years, Carole Eldridge worked with the Restorative Opportunities (RO) program at the Correctional Service of Canada (CSC), providing her clients with compassionate care as a restorative justice practitioner and mediator in cases of serious crime. She walked the path with both victims and offenders on their journey towards dialogue and meaningful accountability.

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"I would say the impact of the RO program was it made my life much more better."

Ontario

Audio:

"I've been doing it for so many years, so it wasn't joining the program. I mean, it was a continuation.

So, it's probably more way back to the dispute resolution center because that's where I first became aware of the people component.

So, when I joined the RO, I was one of the few people who worked on my own.  I didn't have a partner.

I didn't want to do Co-mediation cause for years I've done solo, so it's not joining the program.

It was just a continuation."

Read more about Carole and her unique approach to restorative justice.

Biography:

Chantal Chicoine has been working as a mediator with CSC’s Restorative Opportunities program since 2012. With a bachelor’s degree in psychoeducation, she first worked with teenagers in a living environment, then expanded her activities to the community, including community mediation. She is a penal mediation supervisor with Équijustice. She has been a member of the organizing committee for the National Restorative Justice Symposium for the past three years.

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"So restorative for me, for the other person, etcetera. I think the effect on the community at the end of the day is indeed very rewarding."

Quebec

Audio:

"Allowing the person to make their own way with my guidance rather than pushing my own agenda.

You know, to try to look at every possible option with the person. You know, to get them to explore and imagine everything, not just the voice they thought they were following, but the others too. Other possibilities.

It certainly has an impact on the lives of the people we have supported, and there are times when you can physically feel it, when people are more open, or really have the answers to their questions if that’s what they were looking for.

Generosity and vulnerability, agreeing to retell these events to someone different who will see them, not as a way of healing for me, but as a way of evolving."

Read more about Chantal’s perspective on restorative justice

Biography:

Marie-Ève Lamoureux is a criminologist and Executive Director of Équijustice. She is a mediator for Correctional Service of Canada’s Restorative Opportunities program and a member of RAIV (Applied, Interdisciplinary Research on Intimate, Family, and Structural Violence). She has been a member of the Équijustice network for over 20 years.

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"I find that allowing people to think about something that everyone tells them is not a good idea to think about, to be in contact with the person who hurt them or the person they hurt, I find that useful."

Quebec

Audio:

"You have to deal with the realities of victims and the realities of offenders, you have to address the issue of dialogues, conversations, the victim or the offender, it’s like a hybrid job.

I really think I can make a difference in these people’s lives.

What I really liked about working with people was the idea that we don’t know anything about their lives. And it’s true that we don’t know anything about their goals, so allowing them to come forward, to say what they have always wanted to, to get their hopes up, to clarify their expectations, I think it’s really precious that it went further, that it didn’t go any further.

The way people move too, the space-time. For me, it’s not often in my life as a mediator that I’ve been able to occupy a space in people’s lives for so long

Then I really saw the benefits of that space, of seeing someone move from one position to another, while they want to be in front of the other."

Biography:

Serge Charbonneau has been involved in the mediation and restorative justice movement since the mid-80s. In addition to collaborating with numerous players in this field, both in Canada and abroad, he has developed a mediation method linked to restorative justice and co-authored a book on this approach. He is now a strategic advisor for Équijustice, an instructor and supervisor as well as a mediator for CSC’s Restorative Opportunities program.

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"To this day, I don’t know of any prison administration that has done so much to incorporate concern for the victims of crime into its mission and services."

Quebec

Audio:

"I have always been a bit interested in the matter of humanizing all criminal justice systems. This means humanizing the care we provide.

I thought we were speaking very harshly about people who had problems with psychotropic drugs. Then I preferred approaches that were a little more understanding, more humanist.

And so restorative justice, but restorative justice, in 1994 during my studies, that’s what I became very interested in. And then I saw that there were experiments in penitentiaries or prisons. I have to admit that it was very motivating for me to see that this was taking place in what I called a totalitarian institution. Because at the time, prisons were seen as totalitarian institutions, as were mental health resources and hospitals.

I was going to present the idea that this should be developed here, but I knew it was being done elsewhere in Canada. So I found that in Quebec, I didn’t have all the details.

But in 2005, it wasn’t the same, because it was, it was, I’m doing it.

And the correctional service, which was a serious institution, was doing it. There was a kind of pride that developed for me.

To this day, I don’t know of any prison administration that has. It has done so much to incorporate concern for the victims of crime into its mission and services."

Biography:

Dennis has been a mediator of serious crime with Restorative Opportunities since 2017. He brings skills in listening, patience and curiosity developed over many years as an educator in elementary to university settings. He is a restorative justice trainer and practitioner using his skills with various organizations in his local community.

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"My work is to listen- to allow people to use their voice and have it heard- no judgement. This is restorative justice-the stories first need to be told then work is done on how each party understands the stories."

Audio:

"The impact I would say is powerful, humbling and encouraging. All of those things. It's just it. I'm humbled to be a part of conversations like I had with Angie and her partner. It's so encouraging to know that people have the strength within them to walk through pain that is incredible.

One of the big lessons for me is just being patient and taking time and so trying to be present with people, my family, my kids, friends, especially my wife is very, very understanding with all of this craziness and it just be present. Take the time.

This is an opportunity for you to get answers in a way that makes sense to you. And if that is you and I having a conversation and that's all that happens, that's part of restorative justice. If you want to write a letter or get a letter, that's restorative justice. This is about you directing. Your needs and how do you access those possibilities of meeting those needs? Restorative justice is the hardest thing that you also will ever do, bar none.

You will not have to do more difficult things than sitting down with the person who took your daughter’s life or assaulted you or you know.  It is that difficult. For people who have caused harm, well one one of their questions is always: Well, what do I get out of it? If I say you’re gonna have to work the hardest you’ve ever worked in your life, and you are gonna get a great deal of understanding of yourself and you’re going to find out that people don’t see you nearly as badly as you see yourself and helping people to understand that this process is for both of them or all of them, depending on the situation. People who are supporters, often the conversation is about: you’re going to get an understanding of what your loved one went through and that doesn’t matter which side they’re on. You’re gonna hear stories that you’ve never heard before and experiences and again you’re going to work hard."

Biography:

Following a career in trauma counselling and conflict management Pat began working with the CSC RO program in 2009.  She describes this program not only as providing restorative opportunities for victims and offenders but also for mediators. The experience of working with people who have harmed and been harmed by serious crime is ineffable for which she is grateful.

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"It’s not uncommon for victims to say after 2 hours meeting with the offender afterwards. “Wow! That two hours was more helpful to me than the last two years of therapy.” So, it really helps people move forward."

Audio:

"I feel very comfortable and secure there, but I also feel extremely sad, extremely sad, and that’s why when we are able to facilitate communication between people who’ve been harmed and people who have harmed, it’s so transformative and it’s so incredible that, you know, I think we need those, even if we have one a year, it makes up for all the other sadness.”     

Because so many of them don’t go forward, right? So many of them can’t go forward, so many of them. It would cause too much harm or people aren’t ready.

It's not about forgiveness, but forgiveness may come. It's not about an agreement, but an agreement may come. And so that's up to them too."

Biography:

Jude Oudshoorn, PhD (Social Work), has been a Serious Crime Mediator with the Restorative Justice Division of the Correctional Service Canada since 2008. He has extensive work experience with trauma survivors and with people who have caused harm. Jude has published about restorative justice, trauma-informed practices, and criminal justice reforms, including Trauma-Informed Youth Justice in Canada (Canadian Scholars Press, 2015).

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"I feel like I've grown up a lot as a person. I'm matured as a person by doing this work. It's helped me to be a better person. I think having seen people in their most difficult state, it has challenged me to want to be a good person to my family, to my partner, to my children as a dad, as a community member, all that."

Audio:

"I was excited. I was really excited. I was really honored. It seemed like there was only a small crew of people that were doing this work, so it was truly an honor to be able to be chosen to participate in that work.

A lot of nervousness too. I think it just the nervousness of the responsibility of it, the nervousness of the intensity of it. And then I think also just a feeling of a desire to make a contribution towards peace building work in a way that the system wasn't necessarily thinking about doing.

I actually think it's quite a fascinating, beautiful thing that a restorative justice program exists within a prison system."

Biography:

Angela has been employed in a variety of roles within the criminal justice system for more than 30 years. Angela has been an active member of restorative justice community in the Atlantic Region since 1998. Since 2005, Angela has been employed as a Mediator in Cases of Serious Crime within the Restorative Opportunities Program for the Correctional Service of Canada. Angela has sat on several boards, networks and committees over the years including being a founding member of the Canadian Restorative Justice Consortium.

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"I think a deep appreciation for the difficulty that how hard some people's lives become. I think it gives me great joy and I feel honored to be trusted enough, to be along in this journey with someone else."

Audio:

"I think what motivates me is...providing or supporting a space where people have agency and they have the ability to share their story and to be heard, within that story to be heard from where they're coming from and not trying to, as our system does, try and fit those pegs into holes and have them working within the system and the way we need it done as opposed to what they need us to help provide for them so that they can move on. So it’s really about thinking about what kinds of things help people move through tragedy, move through trauma and what can we do to support them.

I mean, in some ways it impacts me in the deep sadness I feel for people, who have on both sides of that, who've endured something so traumatic that their lives are changed forever and in such violent and traumatic ways like that. A deep sense of sadness and kind of that level of knowledge of what people's lives are like afterwards.  I think a deep appreciation for the difficulty that how hard some people's lives become. And I think it gives me great joy and I feel honored to be trusted enough to be along in this journey with someone else. And you know, in awe of the work that people will, the lengths people will go to try and heal themselves. And sometimes heal the other party."

Biography:

Bethany is a restorative justice practitioner and advocate that has been immersed in the field for over 10 years. She has had the privilege to both practice and advocate for restorative practice in a variety of settings from volunteering at community-based organizations, working with youth involved with crime at Community Justice Initiatives in Kitchener- Waterloo; involved in developing Prince Edward Island’s provincial restorative justice program; and since 2018, has facilitated cases of serious and violent crime, in the Restorative Opportunities Program of Correctional Service of Canada.

Bethany resides on the territory of the Mi'kmaq people, Epekwitk (Prince Edward Island) with her partner and two young children. 

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"No matter where you're sitting, the offender, the victim, or a correction, we all need to be connected. So, I think that's all a need we share no matter who you are, the victim, the offender, or facilitator."

Audio:

"I did the training in July 2017 and I think it was the July 2018 that I got the call.

I was working in Kitchener-Waterloo at the Community Justice initiatives at the time and I was the Youth RJ Worker.

That is how I heard about that training, it was circulating through our mail and our networks at CJI.

Victim-offender mediation Training for Serious crime, so some of the most tragic circumstances that happen in our country. So, a chance to apply RJ approaches to that. I think for me  when I read it it is like the real deal. This is like the full potential of what restorative justice can do. This is as real as it gets.

I thought the work was really interesting. The training was the best. I remember being very emotional during the training itself.

Human. At the end of the day, relationships, relationship, relationships. That is what's connects us all and what this work is all about."

Biography:

Arly started her Restorative Justice career decades ago and specializes in supporting people in the criminal justice and education systems. Along with facilitating victim offender mediations with Restorative Opportunities, Arly provides restorative mediations, advisory and training to her local school boards. She is a sought after trainer and centres her life around restorative values. Arly is an animal lover who has introduced Zoe, a therapy dog into her roles. When not working, Arly enjoys getting her butt kicked by her family in driveway basketball or cuddling with her snoring dog on the couch. 

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"I think by helping people heal victims and offenders in some way that's meaningful to them is only going to impact our society positively and have ripple effects in a good way."

Audio:

"Yes, I thought I was at the slides, and they spoke about restorative justice. And in that moment, I felt this surge of connection of ohhh, my gosh! I'd never heard anything that I felt was so could be used in so much in a transformative way, could be it just really, I thought, why aren't we doing this?

Reinforced the power of connection.  You have nothing in common with them, but meeting with people who have done horrendous things. It's amazing when I can see myself in them, amplified the power of connection and that we are all interconnected.

And also for me,  it's broken-down prejudice and stereotypes. And that's something that I try and give to my community, umm, whether it be by teaching or sharing, being open and authentic. But I try and break down some of the stereotypes and prejudice especially about people that are incarcerated."

Biography:

Stacey is a human rights and equity educator and consultant, supporting organizations to develop anti-oppressive competencies. A seasoned mediator and restorative justice practitioner, Stacey works with people on a difficult journey with compassion and a desire to leave them feeling whole. She is a former restorative practitioner with CSC and now works in this capacity with National Defence.

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"I am intensely proud of the restorative opportunities program. I think that it has survived against all odds, and we know the human impact of being able to do this kind of work in a grounded way."

Audio:

"I know that it has such power to be a healing balm on the lives that have been destroyed by some kind of crime or harm that has happened. So, it's exciting to be part of that.  

They exchanged letters and the during the last two meetings, the fall in-person meetings, the father offered a forgiveness and that was it, was something to witness.

It was really something to witness because I could see the father just becoming a little lighter, like he would stoop with his shoulders, stooped forward and he just he could sit up, and I hadn't seen him sit up."

Biography:

Aaron is an experienced and passionate restorative justice specialist and peacebuilder with extensive international service in facilitation, consultation, coaching, and training. Since 2002 he has designed and led innovative projects across sectors, from Arctic communities to Hong Kong, Brazil, and the Middle East. Aaron’s support for individuals, groups, and organizations is shaped by years of frontline experience working alongside people impacted by, and responsible for, acts of violence. 

He convened restorative youth justice processes in Canada, the United States, and New Zealand, and from 2009-2018 served as a facilitator with the Correctional Service Canada’s Restorative Opportunities program to support the needs for healing and recovery of individuals impacted by serious and violent crime.

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"I see the opportunity of participants to step into this possibility of courage and possible transformation whatever they are, whatever they want to turn."

Audio:

"I sense like just this immediate resonance with the work, and I had been doing some work in conflict resolution and I have been doing some work in the sort of youth justice arena and working in the outdoors with kids and things like that.

It all just kind of came together in this beautiful way with the circles training. I was like ohh… this is the path.

So, because none of this is mandated for anybody, it was just like, wow, this is like we get to be around people who are choosing this opportunity, as difficult as it is, for all sides, all parties and making that choice together or for themselves, I should say."

Biography:

Taralea Scammell is an Accredited Family Mediator and Alternative Dispute Resolution ADR Practitioner in Ontario.   She studied and received her Certificate in Advanced Family Mediation and Conflict Management at Conrad Grebel College University. Taralea has extensive experience in mediation approaches that include family, child protection, elder and victim offender reconciliation. 

CSC’s Restorative Opportunities gives Taralea the opportunity to use the many resolution skills she has gained through the approaches she practices supporting victims and offenders in their walk of possibilities.

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"It's definitively a transformative process if you walk through it, you can't help but be transformed in some way. It moves you to a different place."

Audio:

"RJ is what motivates me to do this. It's about using justice in another way in my Life. I've been in the Mennonite Church. RJ it's a very big part of our family. If you think about peace and possibilities for different outcomes than the traditional justice and correction's path. So, finding other ways.

You know punish, send victims and offenders to their corners. Go deal with what happened to yourself and never have the opportunity to know.

For those parties who were so intimately involved in something so tragic to never be there again is just not right.

So much assessment and carefulness need to happen to make sure it's done in the safest, of course, manner, for everyone."

Biography:

Sonia Vallée has spent 30 years at Équijustice Drummond as a director and mediator. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychoeducation. She is certified in specialized mediation within the Équijustice network, where she worked as a mediation trainer from 2003 to 2017.

In 2019, she took mediation training focusing on serious crime to become a mediator with the Restorative Opportunities program. She joined the national team in January 2021.

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"We are connected to these people; we feel compelled to engage with them, but we remain tied to their story, to their lives."

Audio:

"I only started in 2022. At the time I belonged to a group of trainers in criminal mediation within our network. And sometimes Serge would share his experiences, but also to refine the approach we had within the Justice teams. So, concepts relating to security, to preparation, all that. And I found that… my goodness! I found that it provided such extraordinary opportunities.

I also had the privilege of attending some conferences in my network.

At one of the conferences, some people who had participated in the program came to give a presentation. I was completely blown away by what it had brought one of them, how far it had taken her, all the steps taken along the way, and how good it felt for her to be where she was.

It wasn’t just about taking back power, but about finding answers, and it was the only place she could have found those answers; it was a safe space in which to be able to name it, to do those things.

You know, there is a feeling you have in your job, you tell yourself, I want, I want to do it to contribute to people’s lives. But in that case, there was nothing but upside."

Biography:

Sandy Grenier, who has a degree in social work and who spent a decade volunteering with individuals with disabilities, lived in Cameroon from 2002 to 2008 where she worked as a project manager for Oxfam Québec. Upon her return, she joined the Équijustice Estrie team, where she has spent almost 17 years working as Director of Human Resources, a specialized mediator and a trainer. Sandy also represents the Équijustice network at the provincial level on various committees such as the citizen mediation committee and the training committee. Since 2020, she has been a mediator with the Correctional Service of Canada’s Restorative Opportunities program.

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"Take the time to do the work. Push a little bit further, from that safe starting point. But the best part is that we don’t have a deadline, that we have time."

Audio:

"I have been with Équijustice since 2008, and I have done citizen mediation, all that. At that point in my career, I was thinking, I need to gravitate towards these more delicate situations where safety is even more important.

I didn’t initially foresee working for the Correctional Service of Canada; my goal was to get better at the job I was already doing with Équijustice. I figured I would go take the additional training with four CSC mediators for whom I had a lot of respect, people I already knew. That is what motivated me to take the training.

I am the human who walks beside these other humans. Yes, there have been tougher moments. But at the same time, who am I to judge the actions of others?

Some would say yes, but people need to know about this, or can I sit down with other people who have done this, because we’ll be speaking the same language."

"And it was a really a healing experience and I guess I share that story because I know she would want the world to know that because she's so grateful for the program, but also that, you know, it takes many hands and many compassionate people sometimes to get somebody to a place where they feel like that journey to healing is taking steps forward and for her, she felt like that was kind of the last missing piece of getting the information. And then knowing where she was laid to rest and then being able to go to back to that place and see it as Melissa's place rather than you know where they buried her body. Kind of reframing that for herself.

You know, that's one of those, you know, one to 10 stories. That's the ten story in that category where you know somebody you know, going outside of our little box of facilitation of dialogue and being supportive of what people need, where they are."

"And again, here she is going to meet the demon of her nightmares. The man who killed her beloved father and when she was 18 months old. So, you know, she's had 30 years to just, to re experience, to ruminate on that."                                                    

She was terrified, but she finally eased her way through the door. And then the next 30 to 45 minutes he conducted himself. So, marvellously well.

Perfect gentleman in listening learning mode that she began to just come out of herself and where she walked in with her head down between her shoulders and looking very, very tentative. By the end of the afternoon, we said goodbye to them on the street downtown rainy Vancouver. She was standing fully erect. And you know, just confidence and ready to take the world by storm, saying I can't believe what just happened. I can't believe how I feel that she said.

You know, I just feel freer than I have in many, many years, and she was only just beginning to feel that. So, my words would have to be astonishingly healing."

"But you have to have a preliminary inquiry first, and so then there was the sentencing and I did the victim impact statement and I was very angry and I was angry with him. But I'm also very Christian and I knew I had to forgive him, and I knew if I wanted to set myself free, I had to forgive him.

And so, it started with a letter. I have them somewhere. Probably it I'm pretty sure I do because I'm going to venture down avenue with that in a bit, but I wrote him a letter and I probably said that I had forgiven him again."

"I think it's the humanity in this job. You get to work with people who have been so hurt and we might be able to make a little bit of difference, and sometimes the only difference we can make is when we meet with them, we just can get to treat them like human beings and just sit across the table and have a conversation with them."

"What I've learned is that it is imperative that I build a safe bridge. So, I've got people on either sides of this mighty gulf, and it's my responsibility to drive the pilings of this bridge deep into the into the bedrock of restorative justice values and principles.

And never depart from them. And then lay the bridge decks one piece at a time until the parties are able to cross that bridge."

"What’s important to me is that we have, can have a major impact on people’s lives.

Minimizing the power it gives me, because we do have power, it would be crazy, it would be a lie to deny it if I said the meeting wouldn’t take place. If I say the meeting won't take place and I decide, that's a real power.

I don’t have all the power, and I don’t think the safety conditions are right, but should we work together to see how they could be?

Time is only valuable if you use it to think things through, to put in place what is needed to move forward safely, and that’s where time has value for me. You know, because we’re doing something together.

We often say that we respect people’s pace. It’s true and it’s not true because when they want to go too fast, we slow them down, right, that’s true, deep down you know, but at the same time you have to be able to justify it you know, we don’t slow down to slow down, people have to understand why."

"Sometimes when there isn’t that dialogue, but things are moving there too. You know, I’ve had other situations where there had been sexual abuse, and then the whole process that didn’t lead to an actual meeting where we talked about these events, but all the communication workshops before helped people evolve and change their perception of the other. Then, even if there wasn’t a physical or virtual meeting, the two of them still went to meet each other, you know, they sent each other messages, audios, and then each one respected the other’s pace. You know there are different stages; it’s not linear. You will keep going and then there will be a meeting after three meetings or a year."

"One of the big lessons for me is just being patient and taking time and so trying to be present with people, my family, my kids, friends, especially my wife is very, very understanding with all of this craziness and it just be present. Take the time."

"It was very evident very early on that it was powerfully therapeutic that, you know, when people were meeting one another in their humanness rather than in their roles as victims or offenders, there was something very powerful happening.

And my own research indicated 12% and some of the research gurus that were in touch with me letter said no, you've been too conservative.

Your rates are about 8%, so we're 60% better than the US and 1/4 of the recidivism rate of what normally happens in Canada."

"The dialogue was the next step and the survivor ended up changing her mind. She didn't want to go ahead with dialogue and what she said to me was she actually felt like she got what she needed and what she was looking for just in the preparation process.

And she thought that the actual contact might set her back. And it might not be the thing that she needed.

And so for me, I mean I firmly believe that when we walk alongside other human beings, as I know that when other people walk alongside me when I'm struggling, we really do experience transformation."

"Case in which woman's son was beaten to death while he was sleeping by another young man.

And I had several meetings with them together, and to make a long story short, just took place over a couple of years. But by the final meeting, she was able to take his hands in hers at the end of the meeting and he looked at me and said, and I said, do you know what she's doing?

And, he said, does she want to pray? And I said no, she's holding the hands that killed her son and so that, to me, there was kind of evidence, if you like, of monumental change in her and she had talked to me about this movement in her of moving toward being able to forgive him."

"It’s fun to see that impact, if you will, and I’ve seen it in other inmates who want to do more for others. It’s kind of for yourself, though. It was the only real thing he had to do. He didn’t have to accept imprisonment, but really for them, the only thing I have to do is answer questions."

"That is not there, and so I'm blessed to have that, to know, that you know, that he's taken the responsibility and he's never denied his responsibility. And I know a lot of other people, victims don't have what I have had. I've been pretty lucky.  

So, but back to restorative opportunities, they did it right. No, but it was slow. They were so ininvasive, they didn't invade me at all. They just which was good. They're very good, great, great program, great program."

"Years ago, the dispute resolution center we were doing a video of the program and we had an offender who was a part of the video, and no matter what we did, he kept saying how things were much more better. We tried to get him to say much better, but no, everything was much more better."

"I'm looking at these things as gifts and so I think what was really transformative is that a lot of her learning came from this man who was built up to be a monster, to be feared to, not have anything to offer her. She gained so much from him and so recently, so actually she wants to be in contact for a second time, something that when we first met, she never would have wanted.

And so she's a completely different person for when she started in the RO program."

"There’s a situation, and why they are still in my life, is that these two people, both the perpetrator and the victim, wanted to go further to testify, either about restorative justice, or to raise awareness among men with violent behaviour or in shelters, and to say, well listen to restorative justice, I wasn’t put in danger. These are not people who have been transformed, but people who have perhaps peeled back some layers.

I have the perpetrator, who is still transformed a bit in, I realize it does me good to talk, and to raise awareness of guys. Well… when you put water in gas, then check your wife’s computer, that’s not normal. Then you have the victim saying, ‘What I have been through is important. I don’t want other women, I don’t want them to be afraid to go through this.’

In fact, I spoke to her again, and she’s fine. The two communicate. She says, ‘It’s simple; I removed the ball and chain. And now I’m able to communicate with this human being, who is the father of my children.’"